When naps go away...

I'm currently in a huge transition. My almost-3-year-old is giving up his nap and my 15-month-old is going down to one nap all at the same time. Wow!

My older son has never been a great sleeper and fighting him to take a nap hasn't been much fun. I'm hoping this change of schedule will help him fall asleep more easily at night and give him a longer period of rest. It worked last night. He slept for 11 hours which is amazing! Of course he fell asleep in the car on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's house. It may need to be one of those 'hop in the car to go to sleep' kind of things until this schedule is firmly on the books. I don't feel like the best mother when I plunk him down in front of the TV for an hour and a half in the afternoon to give him something quiet and still to do when the other kids are sleeping. He's not one to sit and do anything for an extended time and for now this is his rest time.

As for the baby, yesterday he was able to stay up until my other day care kids took their nap at 1pm and he slept for 2 and 1/2 hours. Very good. He has been sleeping about 1 and 1/2 hours in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. This will be better. He still sleeps 12 hours at night! What a life saver!

My Baby is 1

Such a bittersweet moment. My baby boy turned 1 yesterday. The past year has gone by so quickly. I guess sleep deprivation can do that to time.

He is at such a glorious age. He is fun and happy and sleeps well, but as soon as he takes those first steps he won't be a baby anymore...he'll be a toddler. He is very close. He received a shopping cart walking toy for his birthday and he loves doing circles around the living room, but he needs help to make the turns. He will also briefly let go of whatever is holding him up.

He is such a Momma's boy and loves me so much. Will he ever love me this much again once he wants to do everything himself and can say 'no'? When my first son turned 1 only a year and a half ago we thought he was so big. And while they have changed so much from those first days and weeks he is still a baby and I can see that now with my second. Now that I understand how fleeting babyhood is I am able to enjoy it so much more. I try to breathe it in and seer it in my memory everyday.

The job of a mother

I'm not huge on forwards, especially if they say you have to send it to so many people or something bad will happen or to get something good, but this one just made sense to me and made me feel good. It also brought a few tears to my eyes. Motherhood can be a thankless job, but we all do it for a reason, actually many reasons. Enjoy.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that grad uated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.
We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

Road Trip

The fam went out of town this weekend to visit some friends and have a little collage reunion. A 2 & 1/2 year old and 1 year old are totally manageable in the car for three hours when there is a parent with two free arms able to turn around to offer toys, books, dropped sippy cups, and snacks repeatedly. It is a little bit of a different story when the only adult in the car is driving. Such is the situation I found myself in on Sunday when we left my husband behind for a work conference and I drove the three hours home on my own with the boys. The first hour and a half was great! They were asleep. The next 20 minutes were not bad, but then the kids were over it. My1 year old was hitting his cranky time, anytime after 4:30, and my toddler was insistent that he needed his shoes on even though he had to have them off when we got in the car. I tried some different music on the radio for a little while and finally had to give in and sing songs for the rest of the ride. Old MacDonald and the Wheels on the Bus were big hits. All in all it was not bad. My toddler is usually great in the car and I could have wished for a little more on his end. The baby has never been one to be soothed by the car, but he gets better all the time. I definitely know I can handle it and I didn't even have to pull over and set up the DVD player. I'm sure it will be necessary in the future.

My First Pie

I have been doing an apple unit with my day care kids and we read "The Apple Pie Tree" by Zoe Hall which goes through the yearly changes of an apple tree and how the family makes apple pie after the harvest. My 2 and 1/2 year olds don't have enough prior knowledge to know what making a pie is like so I decided to make one with them. So became my first pie. I made the crust in the food processor last night and refrigerated it for today. I rolled the bottom crust out while the kids were arriving and let them watch. When my one year old went down for his nap the bigger kids sat at the island while I cut apples and gave them some to try.
Here's the inside!

They helped dump the ingredients in and tried the dough. The crusts were the hardest parts as I thought they might be. I'm sure it takes practice. I may not have put enough ice water in since they kept cracking when I tried to roll them out. I had to pinch and push the bottom crust a little to get it to cover and the top ended up with some patches. Oh well. You need vents right? Once it was cooked you couldn't tell as much. It tasted good though, nice flaky crust and sweet, not too mushy apples.
My first pie cooling on the window sill, how old fashioned.

Between the kids all having some and my parents coming over for dinner and dessert there was only one slice left. Thank goodness there wasn't extra for me to eat and eat and eat. I'll definitely do a pie again. Hopefully I'll get my own deep dish for Christmas and won't have to run over to my mom's at 6:45 in the morning to borrow hers.

What do I stand for?

Last night I heard a speaker who is a mayoral candidate and an alumni of my same sorority. She spoke to us more as a sorority sister than from a political standpoint. The gist of her speech was that life is constantly changing and you have to know what you stand for as you move through different stages of your life. So, I've been thinking about what I stand for. I had so many ideas running through my head of what I stand for and I've narrowed it down. I stand for integrity and love. To me those encompass being honorable, gracious, courteous, loyal, principled, and respectful. Now I just need to make sure those emanate from me in my daily life.

Halloween

The holidays are so exciting now with kids to thrill and decorate for. I was so eager to get my box of Halloween decorations out and get it all up. Boy was I disappointed with my box only produced a few fun things. The small ceramic jack-o-lanterns on the mantle and one big one in the front yard have been quite impressive for 2 year olds. I've added a "spooky house" as we call it, a Lemax on the counter with a witch flying over it. The flashing lights are a big hit. I've also added a store bought fall wreath that I added ribbon to, a store bought glittered 'trick or treat' sign, and stick on bats on my living room mirrors. My project of glittering bones has stalled many times, but I finally have some up on the mantle in a square vase. They might move when I get the rest finished. My son's first birthday is a few days before Halloween so we're going with the theme, possibly every year until he gets tired of it. I'll be able to grow my collection a little each year and know that it will actually be seen.